Funny Stuff / Short Stories

I need that like another Hole in me head

And then one fine day I decided to go fishing and split my head open, a true story 😊

 Warning: graphic content to follow shocking🤔😂🙄

Well alright then, so there I was, ya know, minding me own business and just sitting there in me office ya know playing my all-time fav MMO game called Marches of EMPIRES

When all of sudden i heard a noise behind me,

SOOOO Ya remember perhaps how quick we were, eh? Regardless, matey even I couldn’t have prevented the nasty surprise Mother Nature (Yeh, actually I do think ‘she’ has a personal vendetta with me, together with that basterd “Gravity” but that’s prolly best to address some other time eh) had in store for me.

Yessah, I wish I didn’t know now what I didn’t know then…. yeah MAN, I JUST KNEW ya would remember them lyrics from one of our fav. songs by the Bob Seger & the Silver Bullet Band song “Against the Wind

AH, WELL now eh where was I? Oh right, Coordination with razor-sharp reflexes ya know what else is sharp as a razor? Naw, mate not my fabulous letter opener pur sang (a machete edit.) and also not that souvenir ya brought back after ya visited that little Miss. Tokyo as ya preferred to call her. I remember ya where whizzing razors for days eh 

Sumbatch callingmealia? Naw, I dint think so either 🤔

SO hearing that sudden noise behind me and just relying on my situation awareness combined with my natural agility, fed by the hostile environment, I still consider myself in… I swirled around, but due to the aforementioned conditions (Parkinson’s is prone to do that to a man’s stability) I almost instantly toppled over which wouldn’t have to be that bad if not my pretty large (almost 6 feet long containing at least 1000 liters of water’) fish brothel also known as an aquarium or fish tank, and with about the same sturdiness to move one “Gawddam mother farking inch out of tha way” (just like that air hostess said, if ya recall that story bro?) not only turned out to have all of the aforementioned object properties and then some…, but man it was almost like that other “skull-splitting” experience, we once tried in Da Nang, except this was tha real thang if ya know what I mean, Yeh 😜

ANYHOO without further ado, I am happy to present ya with the results as promised with some blood and gore. With the culprit standing there in the background looking both innocent as indifferent, YA know? With such an expression like”Je ne Sais Quoi”. Excuse my French. No, really, I’d like to apologize for my decision to abuse tha’ beautiful language…

WOULD YA TRUST this, this …. THIS CREATURE?

Ok to reassure y’all that after quite some time a team of our finest plastic surgeons have managed to extract the glass plate out of the skull of our immortal companion and then it would take them another two to three weeks to remove that smirk off his face, so the head surgeon told me, anyway, yeh

As ya can imagine we need money for that sort of thang and yeh, mate we also know bleedin’ well that yer not exactly made of tha’ stuff, but sure would appreciate it if ya could just spare us a few quid ya know mate? YEH, that’s it mate, go on throw whatever ya can afford…

AHA, a donation candidate, eh?😎 Just a few dollars more, eh? That would be just grand mate😜 CLICK ME, ya know ya want it, eh…

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Oh yeah and while you’re doing “Sweet FA” here, s usual, why not fill out the form to let us know how much you love us, huh?

paypal.me/FvanderLoo?locale.x=en_US(opens in a new tab)

I need that like another Hole in me head


WISE Basterd Mark Twain says: It is better to keep yer mouth closed; let people think yer an A$$ than to open it and remove all doubt

YOU>>> BASTARDS …

QUOTE of the year:

I RATHER PLAY WITH BASTARDS THAN
TO BE AMONG COMPLETE ARSEHOLES –

Comments

11/01/2020 at 5:15 pm

WOOT That’s just sheer quality, my friend



11/13/2020 at 3:18 pm

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    Bossy Bastard
    11/24/2020 at 3:56 pm

    Fo’ real? Get outahere Naaaaw yer kidding amiright?

    Well, I have decided to leave yer comment in just in case, right?

    RIGH!



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    Bossy Bastard
    11/27/2020 at 3:35 pm

    WHOA, nobody can be this positive about an article I produced so, this proves for me that there is a) a dog ok I am a bit dyslectic but ya catch me drift I suppose, eh b) or there is an alien life form among us and I suppose now ya want me to bring ya to our leader eh well, sure I can do that no problem dude, but let’s get one thing, straight I and I alone own the right of all publication matters ok, deal bro?



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    admin
    12/28/2020 at 2:02 pm

    MarkuS,MATE, WE ARE GENUINLY IMPRESSED MY FRIEND THANKS TO YA (and some other good souls) OUR TRAFFIC WENT THROUGH THE ROOF SO TO SPEAK EH:) AND WILL BE FOREVER IN YER DEBT THANKS A BUNDLE MAN, AS YA REALY HAVE CONTRIBUTED TO THE GOOD CAUSE 😎



01/05/2021 at 3:21 am

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